Its been 6 weeks today since we found my dad on the kitchen floor. About 4 days prior he had been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis, turns out he had been fighting it for almost a year. The Doc's never found it until then, but he had just gotten through Lung cancer about a year prior. You learn alot about yourself, your family, and people around you. I learned that I loved him more than I knew, and that he was more important to me that I thought. Luckily for me I have no regrets with him, with anyone really. The last day I saw him was December 8th, I was at their house helping them with something, and as I left I kissed him on his bald head, told him I loved him and to take it easy. He said he loved me too. He was housebound at this point and on Oxygen. The Next morning he went to the Hospital, and they diagnosed him with Bronchitis, he said I'm not going back to the hospital, I'm going home, so he went home with his antibiotics. On the way home, they drove by my house and saw the Christmas lights up. He Commented to mom, "those look really nice." Mom told me that when I called her for our nightly chats. We don't have many people we can talk to, so we talk to each other nightly just to vent. Some nights its me, other nights her. She told me about what he said about the lights. The next time I talked to her was 6am, on the 10th of December. I still have the message she left as I was I was getting ready for work and did not answer right away. She called immediately back and I answered, I went over immediately, I live about a mile away, so I got there right as the Ambulance and Fire Truck. He was on the kitchen floor, one foot up on a chair, laying on his back.
What I learned about other people was that those you think will be there, won't be. Those you never expect to be there are, and everyone says they will be there for you, but only a few stick around. Also, I learned that I can not handle compassion at all. Well I couldn't, that has changed now. Its not easy to accept now, but I'm getting better with it.
Also, people do not know how to act, unless they have been through it. Its not easy to know what to say, or how to act, all I can say is be true to yourself, and to that person you are around. Admit you have no Idea how someone else is feeling, and that whatever they are feeling will be unique to them, and that they will go through it on their own pace, and their own schedule.
I wrote his Obituary as well. Assembled the music for his Service. Collected and scanned a bunch of photos that showed his sense of humor.
So anyway, we made it through Christmas, it was hard, painful, difficult, and beautiful. Dad had picked out some presents and one kicked me right in the ass. I've never been one with much self worth, or pride. But apparently he did.
So if you still have your parents around, make up with them, be there for them, don't let there be any regret if you can manage it. I'm glad I had the chance to be there with them, and around them as much as I did. Mom and I are still going on, coping, talking, remembering. I've taken on doing some of the things Dad did around their house, Mom is taking on the other stuff. We're going to make it. I mean, what's the alternative?
Thanks for letting me get this out there. Thanks for reading.